Healthy Co-Parenting—Fostering a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship

Divorce. The word brings all kinds of emotions. Sorrow, fear, loss, anxiety, insecurity, perhaps relief. Children whose parents have divorced feel many of these same emotions, sometimes strongly, often without even knowing how to express them. Parents need to navigate a whole new world called “Co-Parenting” in ways that comfort, reassure and meet the needs, physical and emotional, of their children. One way to ease the transition of divorce is to foster a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse.

A. Create a Secure Environment for Your Children.

It is very important to create a secure and stable environment for your children as they navigate the changes brought about by divorce. It is essential for both you and your ex to prioritize the children’s needs and ensure that they feel safe and supported while transitioning between parenting time locations and the reality of two homes. Recognizing the emotions your children are likely experiencing will help you to address their changing needs proactively.

B. Communication Between Parents

Effective communication between co-parents is foundational to a healthy co-parenting relationship. It is crucial to manage conflicts separately from the children and to avoid placing them in the middle of any disputes you and your ex may have. It is also important to carefully and intentionally maintain respectful communication about your ex-spouse in front of the children as this is vital to preserving their emotional well-being.

C. Secrets to Lasting Love in Co-Parenting

Ana and John Mann have authored a book titled “The Go-Giver Marriage” which outline ways to create a lasting, loving, positive relationship. Several of these “secrets” may apply and help foster a positive co-parenting relationship:

1. Appreciate: Recognize and express appreciation for your co-parent’s efforts. Positive acknowledgment can help rebuild and strengthen the co-parenting relationship.
2. Attend: Be attentive to your co-parent’s situation and offer meaningful support. This approach fosters a cooperative environment that benefits the children.
3. Allow: Accept your co-parent for who they are without judgment. Avoid giving unsolicited parenting advice or mediating their relationship with the child.
4. Believe: Focus on the positive aspects of your co-parent, looking beyond their flaws to see the good in them.
5. Grow: Allow the co-parenting relationship to evolve over time. Avoid remaining stuck in past conflicts, as this can negatively impact the children.

D. Mediation and/or Counseling

Sometimes the very conflicts or lack of effective communication that led to the breakdown of your marriage persist in the post-divorce co-parenting situation. If this happens you may find counseling beneficial. Mediation can help resolve conflicts in a neutral, controlled environment. You may wish to seek such help soon, before these issues escalate or begin to negatively impact your co-parenting relationship or cause emotional harm to your children.

E. Special Needs Children

If any of your children need special accommodations, you will want to effectively communicate with your ex-spouse, the school, or any providers who care for or interact with your child to ensure that their help continues seamlessly despite parenting time, different addresses, and so on. It is critically important that both of you co-parent in regards to special needs so that there is no confusion or gap in the child’s accommodations.

F. Consult with an Attorney

Effective, positive healthy co-parenting is crucial for both your well-being and your children’s. If you need resources, advice or help with parenting issues please call the experienced attorneys at Van Den Heuvel Law Office. The attorneys at Van Den Heuvel Law Office understand co-parenting and are dedicated to helping people navigate this important post-divorce issue with an emphasis on providing a safe, healthy path forward for you and your children.